July 2024 | LIVE LOVE BETTER

Balancing Act: Nurturing Self-Acceptance and Personal Growth This Summer

Jul 9, 2024

As summer unfurls its golden rays and the aroma of sunscreen becomes a staple, the anticipation of beach days and the pursuit of the elusive ‘swimsuit body’ intensify. This season, often portrayed in vibrant, carefree hues, can paradoxically usher in a period of profound self-scrutiny for many. Social pressures amplify as we peel off layers of clothing, and the quest to sculpt a summer-ready physique through diets and rigorous gym routines becomes almost a cultural ritual. Yet, amidst this bustle of self-improvement, a crucial question lingers: How comfortable do we truly feel in our own skin?

The journey between self-acceptance and the desire to be our best selves presents a complex landscape, marked by both societal expectations and personal aspirations. It’s a dance of balance—knowing when to push forward and when to stand still, appreciating our bodies for their functionality and beauty, regardless of how close they come to societal ideals. How much of our energy should be invested in enhancing our physical selves, and at what cost to our mental and emotional well-being?

In this context of reflection and renewal, I want to share a story that vividly encapsulates this struggle and eventual harmony between self-improvement and self-acceptance.

In a lush forest lived Rondo, a robust rhinoceros known for his mighty horn and sturdy frame. One summer day by a stream, Rondo encountered a unicorn, a creature of stunning grace with a shimmering mane and majestic horn. Mistaking it for another rhinoceros, Rondo admired its elegant form and decided to reshape himself to match this vision of beauty. He embarked on an intense regimen, striving to transform his powerful physique into something more refined.

Despite his efforts, Rondo’s body remained unchanged, leading him to view his strong features with growing disdain. ¨Why can I not be like him?¨ cried Rondo. The comparison with the unicorn stirred feelings of insecurity and ugliness, emotions that were unfamiliar to him before this encounter. His distress grew until one evening, Ella, a wise old elephant and his friend, noticed his sorrow. She reminded him, “Rondo, you are a rhinoceros, not a unicorn. Each creature has its strengths. Why not strive to be the best rhinoceros you can be, inspired to feel agile and elegant, but in your own way?”

Taking Ella’s words to heart, Rondo began to appreciate his unique qualities. He adapted his activities to enhance his natural strengths, focusing on health and agility suited to his form. Gradually, he learned to embrace his identity, finding peace in his own skin and the wisdom to celebrate his distinctive attributes.

In our quest for self-improvement, it’s vital to remember our unique strengths and limitations. Strive not to become a copy of another, but to be the best version of yourself, inspired by others but true to your nature.

With Rondo’s story in mind, let us delve deeper into how we can apply this lesson to our own lives, especially during the summer when the pressure to conform to certain aesthetic standards intensifies. It’s essential to strike a balance between the desire for self-improvement and the necessity of self-acceptance.

We all relish the sensation of feeling good—internally vibrant, healthy, active, agile, and pain-free. Similarly, there’s an undeniable pleasure in looking good, a desire that resonates with many of us. However, it’s crucial to remember that aesthetics are highly subjective. What remains objective, though, are the feelings of happiness, joy, and health. There is no one more radiant than a person who feels fulfilled, at peace, and in love with life.

To truly embrace these qualities, we must first accept who we are. This includes acknowledging our personal stories and physical features, understanding that none are inherently better or worse than another’s. Acceptance also extends to our circumstances—where we stand in life’s journey. From this foundation of acceptance, we can aim to mold ourselves into who we wish to be, but without self-deceit. Pretending to love our bodies when we do not, or feigning health when we are unwell, serves no purpose. Instead, it’s about nurturing our discipline, setting realistic goals, cultivating healthy habits, and learning to let go of things beyond our control while savouring each day and the opportunities it brings. These opportunities may vary greatly from one person to another, but they define who we are at this moment.

Change is a constant possibility in our lives, yet some aspects will remain as they are, and accepting this reality is key to achieving peace. Peace allows us to connect deeply with our hearts, helping us to discern our true desires, including how we want to be and, potentially, how we wish to look—if that is what our heart tells us. If not, then we should feel free to relax and cast aside worries. Judging ourselves or others serves no purpose other than to detract from the joy of living.

It’s important to realise that our self-perception deeply influences how others perceive us. The path to being genuinely liked and appreciated by others begins with loving and accepting ourselves. When we harbour negative judgments towards ourselves, it not only diminishes our own well-being but also sets the tone for how others relate to us. If we are constantly critical of ourselves, we inadvertently teach others to focus on our flaws. Conversely, when we embrace our own qualities and imperfections, we invite others to do the same. This acceptance creates a more positive, supportive interaction with the world around us. The less we judge ourselves, the more open we become to accepting love and respect from others, fundamentally changing the nature of our relationships and enhancing our overall happiness.

This summer, let us not be swayed by the ubiquitous pressures to conform to unrealistic standards. Instead, embrace the season with an open heart. Enjoy the warmth of the sun, the refreshing embrace of the water, and the simple pleasures of being alive. This is your moment to revel in a human experience filled with rich sensory experiences, each one worthy of being fully lived.

Humans are unique among living creatures due to our self-awareness, which manifests profoundly through our physical bodies—the instruments through which we experience life. While all living beings interact with their environments, humans have the distinct advantage of being conscious of these interactions. We possess the gift of five physical senses that allow us to see the beauty of the sunset, feel the warmth of the sand under our feet, taste the saltiness of the ocean, hear the laughter of friends, and smell the fresh scent of summer blooms. What a marvelous reason to appreciate and cherish our bodies! Let go of the quest for perfection. Instead, celebrate the incredible capacity of your body to provide a gateway to these myriad life experiences, enriching your every experience and connecting you deeply to the world around you. This appreciation can transform ordinary moments into extraordinary memories and deepen your gratitude for the simple act of living. Do you really think your beautiful and amazing body deserves your judgement your demanding your lack of appreciation? You are a team, your mind, your spirit and your body. One doesn’t thrive without the other and each help the other. Nurture it, take care of it, love it, appreciate it.

Forget about getting caged on society’s ways of commercialising with it and objectify it.

Each step forward, no matter how small, is a part of a larger journey towards a fulfilled and joyful life. Enjoy the summer, and let it be a season of growth, peace, and abundant happiness. As you walk this path, remember that personal development and self-acceptance are not just seasonal tasks but ongoing processes that enrich every aspect of your being. Allow this summer to be a time when you not only pursue your goals but also learn to value the beauty of the present moment. Embrace the opportunity to slow down, reflect, and connect with your inner self and with others around you in meaningful ways. Let this be a time of renewal and joyful discovery, where each day offers a chance to celebrate life, deepen your understanding of yourself, and spread positivity in your community. Here’s to a summer filled with love, laughter, and the kind of deep, satisfying happiness that comes from truly living in tune with yourself.

By Lorena Bernal

This text was used in Yoga Magazine (UK)

Embracing Our True Selves: Helping Kids Feel Comfortable in Their Own Skin

Jul 9, 2024

In today’s world, finding an adult who is completely comfortable in their own skin and willing to share their true selves with others is quite uncommon. We often hold ourselves to certain standards of perfection in looks and behaviour, feeling better the closer we get to those ideals. This leads us to mask our inner selves, adopting identities that we believe better suit the different worlds we navigate. While this phenomenon is widespread among adults, it mostly has its roots in childhood. Understanding this journey can help us guide our children toward embracing their true selves.

As we grow, we develop different identities depending on who we are with and where we are. This chameleon-like ability to adapt can sometimes make it difficult to recognise and embrace our true selves. It’s a skill learned early in life, often as a response to societal expectations. We can help our kids and ourselves by remembering that, as part of nature, we are already perfect. Like every single tree or flower, we should stand tall and confident, knowing who we are and that we are fulfilling our purpose without judgment. We shouldn’t judge them, we shouldn’t judge ourselves, and we shouldn’t judge anyone in front of them.

The purity of Childhood

Children are born pure and unashamed of any part of their being. They freely show their bodies, speak their minds, and offer hugs or kisses without hesitation. They are loud, open, and full of wonder, unencumbered by societal norms. However, sooner or later, the adults around them begin to teach them how to meet certain standards. A toddler who freely expresses emotions may be told to “calm down” or “act properly” in public. This is when children start to cover up their true selves, learning to fit into the molds set by their surroundings, usually in an effort to be loved by their adults.

Learning from Pretending Adults

Children are perceptive and quickly notice when adults around them are pretending. They see the masks their parents and other adults wear and, feeling confused, start to cover their own truths. If a child sees a parent act differently around friends or colleagues, they might begin to think that authenticity is something to hide. This cycle of pretending can be broken by adults who are willing to find, embrace, and show their true selves. Even if your teenager tells you how embarrassing you are for being loud, laughing weirdly, or feeling happy and free, inside they are uncovering the veil that will allow them to be themselves too. This is, of course, assuming this behaviour is not caused by any substance intake but stems from a joyful acceptance of our beautiful gift of living.

The best gift we can give our children is to be true to ourselves. By discovering who we truly are, embracing it, and showing it to the world, we demonstrate to our children that they too can be themselves. While it’s important to adapt to social norms, this should not come at the cost of losing our true selves.

Seeing Our Children for Who They Are

To help our children feel confident, we must see them for who they truly are, not for who we want them to be. This means acknowledging their unique qualities and accepting them without trying to mould them into our expectations. When children feel seen and accepted, they gain the confidence to show their true selves.

Parents often pinpoint their children’s faults or mistakes, holding them to high expectations. This sends a message that perfection is the goal and that anything less is unacceptable. How can our children feel confident to show their true, imperfect selves if they believe they won’t be accepted and loved? It’s essential to allow room for mistakes and imperfection, reinforcing that they are loved for who they are, not just for what they achieve. Unorganised, non-sporty, not well-mannered, noisy, rude, too active, too shy… Really? Do we need to constantly show them how imperfect we think they are?

We should definitely teach them how to behave according to societal norms, but always let them know that this won’t increase their true value. After they learn the norms, they have the free will to make choices aligned with who they want to be. In the meantime, we suggest, we teach, we show, and we don’t expect, but we trust.

Battling Unrealistic Standards

The standards portrayed on social media are incredibly high. Children are bombarded with messages that they need to be beautiful, fit, confident, proud, activist, funny, smart, goofy, and more. When they inevitably experience human flaws and emotions that don’t align with these ideals, they feel faulty. As parents, we must be there to reassure them, showing love in ways they understand and making sure we don’t demand perfection.

This reassurance shouldn’t always be conveyed through conversation and logic, but through gestures, tones, touch, and by spreading a loving energy that they will perceive. Even if we try to convince them with words, they will know when those words don’t come from truth and are simply learned lessons on how to parent. Authenticity in our actions and emotions is key to providing the support our children need to navigate these unrealistic standards.

Balancing Work and Home Life

Many working parents run their families as if they were companies, seeking results, avoiding mistakes, and measuring success. This approach can create a home environment focused on performance rather than love. Our children have the rest of their lives to strive for success; what they need now is a foundation of love, acceptance, and security. By creating a safe home environment, we enable them to embark on their adult lives from a place of confidence and self-acceptance.

Let’s prioritise creating a safe, loving home, even if we are scared of not being the most successful parents, ensuring our children feel seen, heard, and loved. That’s all they need while you are teaching them life lessons by embodying them and by advising from a wise guide point of view.

Let’s guide our children toward a future where they can confidently show the world their true, beautiful selves while they can work on becoming who they are meant to become.

By Lorena Bernal

This text was used for an article in MMB Magazine.

Embracing Your Summer: Finding Joy Beyond the Pressure

Jul 8, 2024

As the sun shines brighter and the days stretch longer, summer brings a flurry of activities and social gatherings. While this season is synonymous with fun, it also brings its own set of challenges, including the pressure to seize every moment and the constant comparison fueled by social media. Here are some strategies to navigate these common summer stressors and find personal joy.

One major source of summer stress is the Fear of Missing Out, or FOMO. It can be tempting to attend every event and gather with groups, large or small. A useful approach is to reflect on personal reasons for participating in these activities. Sometimes, choosing to say no and taking time to rest can be the most fulfilling decision. Everyone has different preferences and limits, and acknowledging this can alleviate much of the pressure. Finding joy in simple pleasures—like waking up without an alarm, enjoying a peaceful breakfast, or having heartfelt talks with friends—can enrich one’s summer significantly. The season isn’t about fulfilling a checklist of activities but rather enjoying each moment for what it uniquely offers.

Another pervasive issue is the social media comparison trap, where everyone’s life seems picture-perfect. It’s crucial to remember that these images often represent a curated version of reality. Those who are genuinely enjoying their moments are usually too engaged to pause and document them. Redirecting focus to personal interests and joys can help. Whether it’s reading in a park, cycling through the countryside, or simply enjoying a quiet day at home, pursuing these activities can lead to genuine happiness. Joy doesn’t stem from the grandeur of events but from appreciating and embracing each experience as it comes. Cultivating a mindset of gratitude can transform every simple moment into a delightful experience.

Summer should be a season of relaxation and contentment, not stress and comparisons. By tuning into individual needs and focusing on what truly brings happiness, everyone can enjoy the season in their own unique way.

By Lorena Bernal.

Used for an article in The Independent newspaper (UK)