Aug 10, 2024
Friendships are vital for our well-being. The connection with others keeps us fulfilled and joyful, allowing us to share our lives, support each other, celebrate wins, and console losses. Friends are witnesses to our lives; we choose them and keep them not out of obligation but because we need what they bring into our lives. However, as we grow and evolve, it’s natural for our social circles to change. Here’s how to navigate this process and maintain your confidence while forging new connections.
Understanding the Nature of Friendships
Friendships come in many forms. Childhood friends often change as we grow, especially if we move to different places. Some friendships are forged during intense, life-changing moments and can last a lifetime due to the deep connection they build. Others are more situational, like friendships made just to have fun, through our children’s school, or at work. It’s healthy to recognise these different types of friendships and understand that while some may last, others are meant to be temporary. People come into our lives to teach us something, share experiences, and help us through specific periods. It’s okay when paths separate, as this is a natural part of life.
Why Do We Outgrow Friendships?
Outgrowing a social circle is quite common and can happen for various reasons:
• Moving Away: When you relocate, it’s challenging to maintain old relationships as you need to make new friends in your new environment. These new friends meet the current version of you, free from past judgments, and this fresh start can be incredibly enriching for both parties.
• Life Changes: As our children grow, we might find we no longer have common ground with friends we met through school activities. Similarly, divorces and other significant life changes can shift our social dynamics.
• Personal Growth: As we mature and evolve spiritually or intellectually, we might find that we no longer align with certain friends. It’s essential to recognise that it’s okay to grow apart from people who once felt like family.
Managing the Emotional Impact
The realisation that you’re outgrowing your social circle can trigger a range of emotions, from sadness to relief. Here are some ways to cope with these feelings:
• Acknowledge Your Emotions: It’s normal to feel a sense of loss or discomfort when friendships change. Allow yourself to grieve the end of an era while also embracing the possibilities of new connections.
• Self-Reflection: Take time to understand why you feel the way you do. Are you seeking deeper connections, or are you outgrowing activities and conversations that no longer resonate with you?
• Maintain Confidence: Don’t let the end of old friendships affect your self-esteem. Personal growth is a sign of progress, not failure.
Navigating Tough Conversations
If you wish to maintain certain friendships despite the changes, open and honest conversations are crucial. Here’s how to approach them:
• Be Honest and Respectful: Explain that you feel you’ve grown in different directions and need time to explore your new interests. Emphasise that it’s not about changing them but about respecting each other’s paths.
• Address Hurt Feelings: If your friends feel hurt or confused, address their feelings honestly. Let them know that this is about personal growth and not a reflection of their worth.
• Gradual Distance: If a direct conversation feels too daunting, you can choose to distance yourself gradually. This approach can be less confrontational but still allows both parties to adjust to the change.
Keeping Friendships Alive
Sometimes, we genuinely want to keep a friendship that seems to be slipping away due to distance, busyness, or other factors. Acknowledge why you want or need that person in your life. If it stems from the love you have for them, make sure you act on it. Text them, call them, and make sure they feel your care. Even if life is pulling you apart, show them that you still love and want them in your life. This effort ensures they don’t misinterpret the distance as disinterest or rejection.
Dealing with Hurt in Friendships
Sometimes a friend may hurt you, and it becomes hard to see them in the same light. They may have done something truly painful, perhaps more than once, making you question the continuation of the friendship. Before acting, ensure you are at peace with your decision. Don’t act from a place of hurt or anger. Decide if you want to forgive and continue or forgive but not forget and end the friendship. If you choose to end it, approach the conversation with the love you once had, accepting that they are not good for you anymore without attempting to change them.
Embracing New Friendships
As you navigate these transitions, it’s important to remain open to new friendships. Here are some tips:
• Engage in New Activities: Join clubs, take classes, or participate in community events that interest you. These settings provide natural opportunities to meet like-minded individuals.
• Be Open and Approachable: Show genuine interest in others, and don’t be afraid to share parts of your journey. Authenticity attracts authentic connections.
• Stay Positive: Keep a positive outlook on meeting new people. Every new person you meet has the potential to enrich your life in unexpected ways.
Conclusion
Outgrowing your social circle is a natural part of life. Friendships are essential for our happiness, longevity, and overall health. They bring joy, support, and a sense of belonging. However, the most important friendship is the one you have with yourself. Cultivating a strong, loving relationship with yourself is the foundation for building healthy connections with others. Be at peace with the different types of friendships you encounter—don’t force them, and let go of control. Embrace the amazing and fulfilling company of people, both old and new. Human beings are incredible, and the journey of forming and nurturing friendships is one of life’s greatest gifts.
By Lorena Bernal
Article used for Luxurious Magazine UK.
Aug 10, 2024
In the fast-paced world we live in, it’s easy to fall into the trap of comparing ourselves to others, especially when it comes to friendships and social interactions. The friendship comparison trap can leave us feeling inadequate, left out, and dissatisfied with our own lives. However, by developing a deeper connection with ourselves and shifting our focus away from external pressures, we can find contentment and cultivate more meaningful relationships. Here are some insights on how to escape the friendship comparison trap and embrace a more fulfilling social life.
Embrace Solitude to Know Yourself
The first step in deepening our connection with ourselves is to spend more time alone. Solitude allows us to have honest conversations with ourselves and observe our thoughts without judgment. It’s a time to ask ourselves important questions: Am I often jealous? Do I strive for perfection out of fear of losing control? Am I masking my insecurities with a facade of strength? These reflections help us understand our true selves, beyond the surface level we often present to the world.
When we take the time to meet ourselves authentically, we discover our likes and dislikes, our strengths and vulnerabilities. This self-awareness forms the foundation for authentic interactions with others. By embracing our true essence, we can bring more honesty and depth to our relationships.
Use Others as Mirrors
Our interactions with others serve as mirrors reflecting our inner world. When we observe our reactions, defenses, love, and vulnerability in social situations, we gain valuable insights into ourselves. These interactions help us accept and understand ourselves better, allowing us to bring more truth into our relationships.
If we struggle with being alone and recognising who we are, we may fall into the habit of analysing others to find out what we like or dislike. This is where comparison arises. We compare our beauty, lifestyles, relationships, and achievements to those of others because we are not fully accepting and loving ourselves. By becoming more confident and accepting of who we are, we reduce the need for comparison. We can then embrace the unique qualities that others bring, drawing inspiration from those ahead of us in certain areas and offering support to those who are still growing.
Find Your Pace and Rhythm
Understanding and accepting our own pace and rhythm is crucial in avoiding the comparison trap. Each of us has unique needs, desires, and ways of experiencing life. While some people may be more active, curious, or social, it’s important to recognise that the world needs all sorts of people. Your unique qualities are valuable and necessary.
Listening to your heart and identifying the source of your thoughts and feelings is essential. Are they rooted in a fear of not being enough, or do they come from a place of self-love? By distinguishing these sources, we can make choices that align with our true selves, rather than conforming to external pressures.
Navigate Social Media Wisely
Social media often amplifies feelings of comparison and exclusion. Seeing others having fun at parties we weren’t invited to can be disheartening. However, it’s essential to remember that social media only shows a curated version of reality. People tend to share their highlights, not their struggles.
If you feel left out, consider whether those events truly align with your interests. If they do, ensure your friends know you’re interested in joining similar activities. If not, accept that it’s okay to have different preferences. True friends will understand and respect your choices.
Cultivate Real Connections
Use feelings of exclusion as opportunities for self-reflection. Ask yourself why you feel left out and be honest about your emotions. This practice helps you understand your true desires and needs. Seek out people with whom you can be your authentic self, without the pressure of pretending or fitting in.
Real connections are based on mutual acceptance and understanding. Instead of desperately seeking inclusion, focus on building relationships where you can be genuine and feel valued. These connections provide the support and acceptance needed to thrive.
Embrace Your Unique Role
Just as a car needs various parts to function, or a body needs different types of cells, humans require diverse individuals to thrive as a collective. Each person has a unique role and function. By being true to yourself, you fulfill your unique calling and contribute to the greater whole.
Stop trying to be or do what others do and start embracing your individuality. Connect with people who enhance your abilities and observe those who are different with acceptance and goodwill. By doing so, you contribute to a more harmonious and diverse community.
Conclusion
Escaping the friendship comparison trap requires a deep connection with ourselves and a shift in focus from external pressures to internal fulfillment. By embracing solitude, using others as mirrors, finding our pace, navigating social media wisely, cultivating real connections, and embracing our unique roles, we can develop deeper connections with ourselves and those around us. Remember, the journey to self-acceptance and authentic relationships is a continuous process, but it’s one that brings true contentment and joy.
By Lorena Bernal
Article used for We Are The City magazine.
Aug 10, 2024
The journey to self-acceptance is not smooth sailing. We start life unburdened by societal pressures and slowly they creep up on us, affecting how we think and feel about ourselves. But with social media playing such a huge part in our lives now – and even influencing children at primary school age – we need to be more proactive in how we help our families learn to love themselves.
As our kids grow, we might notice them become more aware of their appearance and slightly insecure about who they are becoming. That’s normal – but it can easily become insidious if these negative thoughts start shaping every part of their identity and who they think they should become, rather than who they actually are.
As a life coach, my job is to help people live more authentically and build their confidence. So here are some simple ways to help your family have a summer of self-love.
Start with Yourself
Whether we mean to or not, many of us will be guilty of speaking negatively about our appearance or our abilities in the company of our children. We may not realize the impact that this can have at the time, but children are perceptive learners and will eagerly watch how you act and feel about yourself – and copy it in their own self-critical behaviors.
To truly teach our children to embrace self-love requires us as parents to lead by example. Pretending to love our bodies when we do not serves no purpose. Instead, we must acknowledge everything that makes us unique. Our faces tell the stories of our ancestors, and our skills tell the stories of our experiences. Next time you look in the mirror, think of the people you can see reflected back at you. Your mother’s height, your father’s eyes, your grandparents in your kind nature. The path to self-love starts with you.
Remind Them What They’re Capable Of
A human being is a marvel. Our brains have given us the power to communicate and express our thoughts vividly, and our bodies experience the physical sensations of a warm sunset, music, ice cream, and the fresh scent of summer flowers. Reminding ourselves of how much we put our bodies through, and how grateful we should be for it, can transform how we see ourselves.
Encourage your kids to take a quiet moment to ground themselves and recognize how they are feeling. Are they happy or sad? Do they have lots of energy to run around or need some time to relax? What can they smell or taste in the air? Recognizing how our bodies react and respond to what’s going on around us can help us feel more in control of it, and more appreciative of how it looks after us. Remember, there is no one more beautiful than a person who feels fulfilled, at peace, and in love with life.
Celebrate Their Beauty
We all love beauty, and it’s normal for kids to want to feel pretty. Don’t invalidate that desire. Instead, love them, and tell them how beautiful they are. Compliment their eyes, their hair, their smile. Admire the observable result of their beautiful inner world. Tell them how much they look like their dad, their grandpa, or anyone they resemble, with genuine admiration. If they feel you admire them, they will find it easier to admire themselves.
Drop the Expectations
Social media bombards us with curated images of a perfect life on a daily, if not hourly, basis. How we look, feel, behave, or connect with others – everything online appears to be effortless and flawless. But when we inevitably have emotions or experiences that fall outside of these unachievable standards, it’s easy to feel like we’re not good enough. For children in particular, they can find themselves constantly trying and failing to live up to something that didn’t exist in the first place.
But parents are also guilty of setting standards for our kids to live up to. When we think about what we want them to be in the future and our ambitions for their lives, we often have this picture in our heads of the awesome person we want them to turn into. By comparing them to this idealized image, we stop seeing and valuing them for who they are and instead add more pressure and stress onto their sense of being ‘enough’.
As parents, we must love unconditionally, making sure we don’t demand perfection and reassuring them that we value and cherish them, just as they are. Stop comparing your kids with other kids. Don’t think the better they are, the better you are. Feel they are perfect and great, and you will help them feel that way about themselves. This message doesn’t have to be verbalized; loving gestures and your energy towards them are enough to show how you feel. But it must be authentic for them to believe and accept this reality, so do ensure that it is coming from the heart.
Create a Safe Space to Talk About Their Worries
We first need to remember that nothing will worry them if it doesn’t worry us first. Those thoughts or feelings they are having are normal discovery emotions. If we are worried about them, they will be worried too. If we accept them and decide to help them deal with them, it must come from an acceptance of them feeling that way and not from labeling that state as “a problem to solve otherwise you won’t be happy.” So from that state of mind, talking about what makes us beautiful is another good way to encourage children to start on the journey to self-love. The goal is to create a safe space where your child feels they are able to be open and honest, so don’t interrupt them and be truly engaged in the conversation. Ask open questions that focus on the positives in their lives. What do their friends or siblings like about them? What are they most proud of? When have they felt happiest?
Don’t freak out if they don’t feel pretty, strong, or good enough. You will make them freak out too. It’s okay; we can all feel that way. Reassure them that they are loved, profoundly loved, and make sure you express this all the time, even when you are angry at them, telling them off. They feel the subtle difference between disappointment in who they are or disappointment in what they have done. It’s a subtle difference, but it makes a huge impact on how the kid receives your message.
You could also take the opportunity to talk about your own self-esteem and any challenges you’ve faced over the years. Being open about this with your child can help them understand that these feelings are a normal part of living in our society and reassure them that you are always there as a helping hand to guide them through their journey of self-acceptance.
By Lorena Bernal
Article used in Smaltalk Magazine.
Aug 10, 2024
Gratitude is more than just a fleeting emotion; it’s a profound feeling that can transform our lives in remarkable ways. A recent study has highlighted the correlation between gratitude and longevity, and while this is fascinating, it’s not surprising. When we genuinely experience gratitude, we fill ourselves with love, the most powerful emotion capable of healing the mind, body, and spirit. Embracing gratitude envelops our entire being with love, initiating a healing process. Scientifically, this translates into reduced stress, lower blood pressure, and a stronger immune system, all contributing to a longer life. Those who practice gratitude regularly can already feel its profound benefits.
The Many Benefits of Practicing Gratitude
Practicing gratitude can improve every aspect of your life. It changes how you see and interact with your parents, children, siblings, friends, and partner. It transforms how you view your body, job, and status. Imagine that instead of complaining about what is not working or always wanting more and better, you are thankful and value what is working. Or simply thankful for having these aspects in your life—having a partner, parents, children, etc. This shift in perspective enhances the health of all your relationships with others and yourself, helping you appreciate each person and each thing. You will feel more content, happy, and joyful, and this positive energy will undoubtedly expand and inspire your environment.
Top Tips for Practicing Gratitude
If you’re new to the practice of gratitude, here are some simple yet effective tips to get you started:
- Morning Gratitude: Allow a few minutes in the morning, even before opening your eyes, to appreciate that you are alive. Sense your heart beating, your lungs breathing—yes, you are alive. That’s a gift you deserve and need to enjoy.
- Gratitude in Challenges: When you confront a situation that you don’t like, appreciate that your discomfort arises because it doesn’t match your expectations. Release that expectation and focus on gratitude: “Thank you for living this as it teaches me and makes me appreciate other aspects of life. It’s giving me experience.”
- Shift from Complaints to Gratitude: Every time your mind takes you to a complaint, take control and redirect it to gratitude. If your knee hurts, think, “But I can walk.” If your mum is difficult, think, “But I have my mum with me.” If your boss is too rough, think, “But I’m gaining experience and becoming stronger.” Force your mind to go to the positive side in each situation.
- Gratitude in Prayer: Pray to whoever you want, but instead of asking for things, start by saying thank you and completing the sentence. Do this before sleeping, before starting a journey, or when you’re having breakfast. Close your eyes, breathe, and say “thank you,” then visualize all the things or experiences you are grateful for.
Making Gratitude a Habit and Changing Your Mindset
To make gratitude a habit, consistency is key. Here are some strategies to integrate gratitude into your daily life:
- Morning and Evening Routine: Start and end your day with gratitude. Upon waking, think of something you are grateful for to set a positive tone for the day. Before bed, reflect on the good things that happened during the day.
- Gratitude Reminders: Set your mind to remind you all the time to appreciate the good. It will be hard at the beginning, but the more you do it, the easier it becomes.
- Gratitude Rituals: Incorporate gratitude into your existing rituals, such as during meals, before a workout, or when you pray. Instead of asking for things, pause, breathe, and say thank you. This simple act can shift your focus to the positive aspects of your life.
Practicing gratitude can indeed change your mindset. When you focus on what you are thankful for, your brain starts to seek out the positive aspects of your life automatically. This shift from a fear-based mindset to one of love and acceptance can significantly improve your health. Fear and stress cause tension and contraction in the body, whereas love and gratitude promote relaxation, acceptance, and healing. By cultivating a mindset of gratitude, you can transform your life, creating a foundation of positivity and well-being.
By Lorena Bernal
Article used for Yahoo!style.
Aug 10, 2024
In today’s fast-paced world, finding moments of peace and clarity can be challenging. One of the simplest and most effective ways to boost your mental health is by incorporating mindfulness into your everyday walks. Here are five powerful tips to transform your walks into a rejuvenating practice that can help you destress and find inner peace.
1. Reconnect with Nature
Remember, you’re a part of nature, not separate from it. Take your walks outdoors to breathe in natural air, feel the sun or the rain on your skin, and soak in the real scents of nature. This connection helps your body feel at home, reducing stress and bringing a sense of calm.
2. Observe Nature’s Rhythm
Notice how plants, animals, and even the tides follow their natural rhythms without rushing. Allow yourself to slow down and sync with this pace. Embrace your true self and find peace by letting go of unrealistic expectations and simply being.
3. Engage Your Senses
During your walks, engage all your senses to ground yourself in the present moment. Observe the details around you, listen to the sounds, and breathe in the smells deeply. This sensory immersion helps quiet your mind and brings immediate peace.
4. Mindful Movement
Movement boosts blood flow and oxygen, releasing energy and calming your mind. As you walk or stand still like a tree, observe your body as if you were studying an animal. Notice the way you move or stand. This mindful observation connects you to the present moment, fostering gratitude for your body and your humanity.
5. Thought ObservationAs you walk, pay attention to your thoughts. Witness them, hear them, and consciously let them pass without judgment. Be the observer of your thinking mind. Realize that you are the observer, not the thoughts. Look up and say thank you for your life, your health, and the awareness of who you truly are. This practice fosters a deep sense of gratitude and self-awareness.
Incorporating these mindful practices into your daily walks can significantly improve your mental health. Not only will you feel more connected to nature, but you will also cultivate a deeper sense of peace and gratitude. So, lace up your walking shoes, step outside, and start experiencing the transformative power of mindful walking today.
By Lorena Bernal
Article used in Woman magazine UK.
