Aug 10, 2024
The relentless pursuit of success often overshadows the profound benefits of stepping back and disconnecting. Summer holidays present an essential opportunity not just for rest, but for a deep, transformative reconnection with oneself and one’s creativity.
When leaders allow themselves to step away from the constant churn of productivity, they unlock a unique space where creativity flows from simplicity. Immersing oneself in the sensations of the moment—whether it’s the refreshing breeze, the calming ocean, or the serene silence—facilitates a connection to a source of inspiration that is often muted by daily pressures. By simply enjoying these moments, leaders can encounter unexpected insights and ideas. This process of relaxation and spontaneous creativity is crucial, as it occurs only when one fully surrenders to the joy of the present.
Furthermore, holidays serve as a vital period for reinforcing personal relationships. The irony for many leaders is that their professional roles, demanding significant time and energy, often distance them from the very relationships that enrich and sustain them. The holiday period should focus on nurturing these connections, spending time not in pursuit of specific outcomes but in genuine presence with loved ones. This form of engagement—free from the need for performance evaluations or competitive success—provides emotional nourishment and revitalizes the spirit.
However, it’s acknowledged that complete disconnection from work responsibilities is not always feasible, especially for those in leadership positions. The practical approach involves setting clear boundaries for work during holidays. By designating specific times dedicated to professional tasks and clearly communicating these boundaries to family and team members, leaders can focus intensely during these periods before returning to their holiday state. This delineation ensures that time off is truly regenerative, allowing leaders to maintain a balance between their professional responsibilities and personal restoration.
This balanced approach not only aids in personal rejuvenation but also sets a powerful example for teams, underscoring the importance of maintaining a healthy equilibrium between work and life. By embodying this practice, leaders not only enhance their own well-being but also inspire their teams to embrace a similar respect for rest and recovery. Encouraging this culture within an organization can lead to a more motivated, satisfied, and effective workforce, ultimately benefiting the entire company.
By Lorena Bernal
Article used for Forbes.
Jul 9, 2024
As summer unfurls its golden rays and the aroma of sunscreen becomes a staple, the anticipation of beach days and the pursuit of the elusive ‘swimsuit body’ intensify. This season, often portrayed in vibrant, carefree hues, can paradoxically usher in a period of profound self-scrutiny for many. Social pressures amplify as we peel off layers of clothing, and the quest to sculpt a summer-ready physique through diets and rigorous gym routines becomes almost a cultural ritual. Yet, amidst this bustle of self-improvement, a crucial question lingers: How comfortable do we truly feel in our own skin?
The journey between self-acceptance and the desire to be our best selves presents a complex landscape, marked by both societal expectations and personal aspirations. It’s a dance of balance—knowing when to push forward and when to stand still, appreciating our bodies for their functionality and beauty, regardless of how close they come to societal ideals. How much of our energy should be invested in enhancing our physical selves, and at what cost to our mental and emotional well-being?
In this context of reflection and renewal, I want to share a story that vividly encapsulates this struggle and eventual harmony between self-improvement and self-acceptance.
In a lush forest lived Rondo, a robust rhinoceros known for his mighty horn and sturdy frame. One summer day by a stream, Rondo encountered a unicorn, a creature of stunning grace with a shimmering mane and majestic horn. Mistaking it for another rhinoceros, Rondo admired its elegant form and decided to reshape himself to match this vision of beauty. He embarked on an intense regimen, striving to transform his powerful physique into something more refined.
Despite his efforts, Rondo’s body remained unchanged, leading him to view his strong features with growing disdain. ¨Why can I not be like him?¨ cried Rondo. The comparison with the unicorn stirred feelings of insecurity and ugliness, emotions that were unfamiliar to him before this encounter. His distress grew until one evening, Ella, a wise old elephant and his friend, noticed his sorrow. She reminded him, “Rondo, you are a rhinoceros, not a unicorn. Each creature has its strengths. Why not strive to be the best rhinoceros you can be, inspired to feel agile and elegant, but in your own way?”
Taking Ella’s words to heart, Rondo began to appreciate his unique qualities. He adapted his activities to enhance his natural strengths, focusing on health and agility suited to his form. Gradually, he learned to embrace his identity, finding peace in his own skin and the wisdom to celebrate his distinctive attributes.
In our quest for self-improvement, it’s vital to remember our unique strengths and limitations. Strive not to become a copy of another, but to be the best version of yourself, inspired by others but true to your nature.
With Rondo’s story in mind, let us delve deeper into how we can apply this lesson to our own lives, especially during the summer when the pressure to conform to certain aesthetic standards intensifies. It’s essential to strike a balance between the desire for self-improvement and the necessity of self-acceptance.
We all relish the sensation of feeling good—internally vibrant, healthy, active, agile, and pain-free. Similarly, there’s an undeniable pleasure in looking good, a desire that resonates with many of us. However, it’s crucial to remember that aesthetics are highly subjective. What remains objective, though, are the feelings of happiness, joy, and health. There is no one more radiant than a person who feels fulfilled, at peace, and in love with life.
To truly embrace these qualities, we must first accept who we are. This includes acknowledging our personal stories and physical features, understanding that none are inherently better or worse than another’s. Acceptance also extends to our circumstances—where we stand in life’s journey. From this foundation of acceptance, we can aim to mold ourselves into who we wish to be, but without self-deceit. Pretending to love our bodies when we do not, or feigning health when we are unwell, serves no purpose. Instead, it’s about nurturing our discipline, setting realistic goals, cultivating healthy habits, and learning to let go of things beyond our control while savouring each day and the opportunities it brings. These opportunities may vary greatly from one person to another, but they define who we are at this moment.
Change is a constant possibility in our lives, yet some aspects will remain as they are, and accepting this reality is key to achieving peace. Peace allows us to connect deeply with our hearts, helping us to discern our true desires, including how we want to be and, potentially, how we wish to look—if that is what our heart tells us. If not, then we should feel free to relax and cast aside worries. Judging ourselves or others serves no purpose other than to detract from the joy of living.
It’s important to realise that our self-perception deeply influences how others perceive us. The path to being genuinely liked and appreciated by others begins with loving and accepting ourselves. When we harbour negative judgments towards ourselves, it not only diminishes our own well-being but also sets the tone for how others relate to us. If we are constantly critical of ourselves, we inadvertently teach others to focus on our flaws. Conversely, when we embrace our own qualities and imperfections, we invite others to do the same. This acceptance creates a more positive, supportive interaction with the world around us. The less we judge ourselves, the more open we become to accepting love and respect from others, fundamentally changing the nature of our relationships and enhancing our overall happiness.
This summer, let us not be swayed by the ubiquitous pressures to conform to unrealistic standards. Instead, embrace the season with an open heart. Enjoy the warmth of the sun, the refreshing embrace of the water, and the simple pleasures of being alive. This is your moment to revel in a human experience filled with rich sensory experiences, each one worthy of being fully lived.
Humans are unique among living creatures due to our self-awareness, which manifests profoundly through our physical bodies—the instruments through which we experience life. While all living beings interact with their environments, humans have the distinct advantage of being conscious of these interactions. We possess the gift of five physical senses that allow us to see the beauty of the sunset, feel the warmth of the sand under our feet, taste the saltiness of the ocean, hear the laughter of friends, and smell the fresh scent of summer blooms. What a marvelous reason to appreciate and cherish our bodies! Let go of the quest for perfection. Instead, celebrate the incredible capacity of your body to provide a gateway to these myriad life experiences, enriching your every experience and connecting you deeply to the world around you. This appreciation can transform ordinary moments into extraordinary memories and deepen your gratitude for the simple act of living. Do you really think your beautiful and amazing body deserves your judgement your demanding your lack of appreciation? You are a team, your mind, your spirit and your body. One doesn’t thrive without the other and each help the other. Nurture it, take care of it, love it, appreciate it.
Forget about getting caged on society’s ways of commercialising with it and objectify it.
Each step forward, no matter how small, is a part of a larger journey towards a fulfilled and joyful life. Enjoy the summer, and let it be a season of growth, peace, and abundant happiness. As you walk this path, remember that personal development and self-acceptance are not just seasonal tasks but ongoing processes that enrich every aspect of your being. Allow this summer to be a time when you not only pursue your goals but also learn to value the beauty of the present moment. Embrace the opportunity to slow down, reflect, and connect with your inner self and with others around you in meaningful ways. Let this be a time of renewal and joyful discovery, where each day offers a chance to celebrate life, deepen your understanding of yourself, and spread positivity in your community. Here’s to a summer filled with love, laughter, and the kind of deep, satisfying happiness that comes from truly living in tune with yourself.
By Lorena Bernal
This text was used in Yoga Magazine (UK)
Jul 9, 2024
In today’s world, finding an adult who is completely comfortable in their own skin and willing to share their true selves with others is quite uncommon. We often hold ourselves to certain standards of perfection in looks and behaviour, feeling better the closer we get to those ideals. This leads us to mask our inner selves, adopting identities that we believe better suit the different worlds we navigate. While this phenomenon is widespread among adults, it mostly has its roots in childhood. Understanding this journey can help us guide our children toward embracing their true selves.
As we grow, we develop different identities depending on who we are with and where we are. This chameleon-like ability to adapt can sometimes make it difficult to recognise and embrace our true selves. It’s a skill learned early in life, often as a response to societal expectations. We can help our kids and ourselves by remembering that, as part of nature, we are already perfect. Like every single tree or flower, we should stand tall and confident, knowing who we are and that we are fulfilling our purpose without judgment. We shouldn’t judge them, we shouldn’t judge ourselves, and we shouldn’t judge anyone in front of them.
The purity of Childhood
Children are born pure and unashamed of any part of their being. They freely show their bodies, speak their minds, and offer hugs or kisses without hesitation. They are loud, open, and full of wonder, unencumbered by societal norms. However, sooner or later, the adults around them begin to teach them how to meet certain standards. A toddler who freely expresses emotions may be told to “calm down” or “act properly” in public. This is when children start to cover up their true selves, learning to fit into the molds set by their surroundings, usually in an effort to be loved by their adults.
Learning from Pretending Adults
Children are perceptive and quickly notice when adults around them are pretending. They see the masks their parents and other adults wear and, feeling confused, start to cover their own truths. If a child sees a parent act differently around friends or colleagues, they might begin to think that authenticity is something to hide. This cycle of pretending can be broken by adults who are willing to find, embrace, and show their true selves. Even if your teenager tells you how embarrassing you are for being loud, laughing weirdly, or feeling happy and free, inside they are uncovering the veil that will allow them to be themselves too. This is, of course, assuming this behaviour is not caused by any substance intake but stems from a joyful acceptance of our beautiful gift of living.
The best gift we can give our children is to be true to ourselves. By discovering who we truly are, embracing it, and showing it to the world, we demonstrate to our children that they too can be themselves. While it’s important to adapt to social norms, this should not come at the cost of losing our true selves.
Seeing Our Children for Who They Are
To help our children feel confident, we must see them for who they truly are, not for who we want them to be. This means acknowledging their unique qualities and accepting them without trying to mould them into our expectations. When children feel seen and accepted, they gain the confidence to show their true selves.
Parents often pinpoint their children’s faults or mistakes, holding them to high expectations. This sends a message that perfection is the goal and that anything less is unacceptable. How can our children feel confident to show their true, imperfect selves if they believe they won’t be accepted and loved? It’s essential to allow room for mistakes and imperfection, reinforcing that they are loved for who they are, not just for what they achieve. Unorganised, non-sporty, not well-mannered, noisy, rude, too active, too shy… Really? Do we need to constantly show them how imperfect we think they are?
We should definitely teach them how to behave according to societal norms, but always let them know that this won’t increase their true value. After they learn the norms, they have the free will to make choices aligned with who they want to be. In the meantime, we suggest, we teach, we show, and we don’t expect, but we trust.
Battling Unrealistic Standards
The standards portrayed on social media are incredibly high. Children are bombarded with messages that they need to be beautiful, fit, confident, proud, activist, funny, smart, goofy, and more. When they inevitably experience human flaws and emotions that don’t align with these ideals, they feel faulty. As parents, we must be there to reassure them, showing love in ways they understand and making sure we don’t demand perfection.
This reassurance shouldn’t always be conveyed through conversation and logic, but through gestures, tones, touch, and by spreading a loving energy that they will perceive. Even if we try to convince them with words, they will know when those words don’t come from truth and are simply learned lessons on how to parent. Authenticity in our actions and emotions is key to providing the support our children need to navigate these unrealistic standards.
Balancing Work and Home Life
Many working parents run their families as if they were companies, seeking results, avoiding mistakes, and measuring success. This approach can create a home environment focused on performance rather than love. Our children have the rest of their lives to strive for success; what they need now is a foundation of love, acceptance, and security. By creating a safe home environment, we enable them to embark on their adult lives from a place of confidence and self-acceptance.
Let’s prioritise creating a safe, loving home, even if we are scared of not being the most successful parents, ensuring our children feel seen, heard, and loved. That’s all they need while you are teaching them life lessons by embodying them and by advising from a wise guide point of view.
Let’s guide our children toward a future where they can confidently show the world their true, beautiful selves while they can work on becoming who they are meant to become.
By Lorena Bernal
This text was used for an article in MMB Magazine.
Jul 8, 2024
As the sun shines brighter and the days stretch longer, summer brings a flurry of activities and social gatherings. While this season is synonymous with fun, it also brings its own set of challenges, including the pressure to seize every moment and the constant comparison fueled by social media. Here are some strategies to navigate these common summer stressors and find personal joy.
One major source of summer stress is the Fear of Missing Out, or FOMO. It can be tempting to attend every event and gather with groups, large or small. A useful approach is to reflect on personal reasons for participating in these activities. Sometimes, choosing to say no and taking time to rest can be the most fulfilling decision. Everyone has different preferences and limits, and acknowledging this can alleviate much of the pressure. Finding joy in simple pleasures—like waking up without an alarm, enjoying a peaceful breakfast, or having heartfelt talks with friends—can enrich one’s summer significantly. The season isn’t about fulfilling a checklist of activities but rather enjoying each moment for what it uniquely offers.
Another pervasive issue is the social media comparison trap, where everyone’s life seems picture-perfect. It’s crucial to remember that these images often represent a curated version of reality. Those who are genuinely enjoying their moments are usually too engaged to pause and document them. Redirecting focus to personal interests and joys can help. Whether it’s reading in a park, cycling through the countryside, or simply enjoying a quiet day at home, pursuing these activities can lead to genuine happiness. Joy doesn’t stem from the grandeur of events but from appreciating and embracing each experience as it comes. Cultivating a mindset of gratitude can transform every simple moment into a delightful experience.
Summer should be a season of relaxation and contentment, not stress and comparisons. By tuning into individual needs and focusing on what truly brings happiness, everyone can enjoy the season in their own unique way.
By Lorena Bernal.
Used for an article in The Independent newspaper (UK)
May 31, 2024
In the high-pressure realm of business leadership, confidence is often considered a non-negotiable asset—a quality that defines the very essence of a successful executive and their team. However, an unwavering state of self-assurance is not the norm; even the most confident leaders face moments of doubt. Accepting that confidence can waver is the first step in navigating through its ebbs and flows effectively.
Balancing High Expectations with Empathy
A vital aspect of leadership is the ability to push both oneself and one’s team towards peak performance. This involves extracting the maximum potential from each team member, consistently reinforcing their status as the best in their field, and driving them toward excellence. Motivation is key; team members need to know that their excellence will be recognized and rewarded. However, this drive for high performance must be balanced with a deep understanding of the human elements at play.
Team members are not automatons—they are individuals with emotions, insecurities, and emotional fluctuations. A skilled leader recognizes this and navigates these waters delicately. Pushing the team means setting high standards and expecting the best, but also being there as a supportive figure who recognizes their human needs. This approach typically starts with choosing the right people for your team—individuals whose expertise you trust implicitly. Just as you allow yourself grace on off days, you must extend the same understanding to your team.
Being demanding yet caring creates a strong bond within the team. Leaders must foster an environment where hard work is pursued alongside joy and satisfaction in what one does. After all, if the process brings no joy, what indeed is the point? This balance is not just about driving performance but about nurturing a committed, resilient, and ultimately successful team.
Understanding the Nature of Confidence Loss
Confidence loss is not an unusual ordeal reserved for the few; it is a common occurrence that every leader and their team will face, especially after setbacks or failures. The higher the expectations set, the more intense the impact of perceived failures. It’s essential for leaders to recognize this pattern as part of the broader human experience, rather than viewing it as an abnormality or a sign of incompetence.
When confidence wanes, the typical initial reaction is often panic—a visceral fear that one might never regain their footing. Thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “I can’t do this” frequently invade the mind. It is crucial at these moments not to act impulsively on these feelings. Instead, I encourage you to observe them as normal, natural responses to stress. Allow these thoughts to pass without judgment. This mindful approach fosters an inner calm and transforms each setback into a learning opportunity. Remember, every challenge is a chance to grow stronger, to refine your strategies, and to prepare for a more robust comeback.
As a leader, your ability to manage these moments not only helps you regain your footing but also sets a powerful example for your team. By demonstrating resilience, you inspire your team to navigate their doubts with the same composure. Let’s not forget, the way you handle confidence loss can turn a potential spiral into a powerful pivot point towards collective improvement and renewed strength.
Resetting Expectations: The Realistic Path to Success
In today’s fast-paced business environment, there’s immense pressure to deliver perfect results quickly. Observing competitors seemingly achieving overnight success can intensify this pressure, leading to unrealistic expectations and potential burnout. It’s essential for leaders to shift this mindset.
Often, our high expectations and the rigidity with which we cling to them stem from an ingrained fear of imperfection. This fear can box us into a corner of limited perfection, where we become slaves to an unattainable standard, stifling our ability to expand and grow. By demanding a little less perfection from ourselves, we grant ourselves the freedom to try new things and take risks. This slight shift in expectation doesn’t mean lowering standards, but rather understanding and integrating the human element of error and uncertainty into our leadership approach.
Accept that while you strive for excellence, mistakes are part of the learning and growth process. Embracing this reality can prevent many pitfalls and foster a healthy environment where team members feel secure to perform their best. When setbacks occur, they’re seen as part of the journey, not the end of the road. This perspective allows you and your team to navigate challenges more fluidly, with the freedom to innovate and the flexibility to adapt. Ultimately, this approach not only leads to sustained success but also promotes a more resilient and adaptive organizational culture.
Building True Confidence Within Your Team
True confidence is not about never failing; it’s about knowing how to recover from setbacks and trusting in your ability to learn and adapt. This form of confidence is robust, as it is built on the understanding that challenges are inevitable and manageable.
Leaders must model this authentic confidence to their teams. Show them that it’s okay to take risks and that failure is a part of the growth process. This doesn’t just help in recovering from confidence dips but also prevents them from occurring frequently.
An important aspect of fostering this kind of resilience is recognizing the limits of your control. Understand the cards you hold and play them to the best of your ability. However, be aware that you won’t always have the best cards, and not everything will be within your control. Sometimes, unforeseen circumstances lead to setbacks that were simply out of your hands. In these moments, it’s crucial to acknowledge that you did your best given the situation. Accepting that not everything depends on you is key to maintaining confidence. This acceptance helps mitigate feelings of failure and aids in the recovery and rebuilding of confidence, making it easier for you and your team to move forward with determination and clarity.
Cultivating a Supportive Culture
A strong support system is invaluable. For leaders, this may be family or close friends—people who offer unconditional support regardless of professional success or failure. This personal backing provides a psychological safety net that enables risk-taking and innovative thinking.
Similarly, creating a supportive team environment where members genuinely care for and trust one another can replicate this safety net on a professional level. Teams that operate like a family are more resilient, bouncing back from setbacks with greater vigor and creativity.
Practical Steps to Rebuild Team Confidence
Here are some actionable steps leaders can use to help their teams regain confidence:
- Open Communication: Foster an environment where feelings and fears can be openly discussed without judgment. This transparency helps to normalize the experience of confidence loss.
- Set Realistic Goals: Break larger objectives into smaller, manageable tasks to help the team achieve quick wins and build momentum.
- Focus on Learning: After a setback, shift the focus from blame to learning. Analyze what went wrong and how it can be improved, turning each failure into a lesson.
- Celebrate Wins: Regularly recognize and celebrate achievements, no matter how small. This boosts morale and builds a positive feedback loop.
- Encourage Peer Support: Promote a culture where team members are encouraged to support each other, enhancing collective confidence and cohesion.
Conclusion
Confidence crises are part and parcel of the business landscape. By understanding the fluid nature of confidence, resetting expectations, and fostering a supportive culture, leaders can equip their teams to not only recover from confidence dips but also to emerge stronger and more cohesive. This approach doesn’t just rebuild confidence; it reinvents it on a more sustainable foundation.
Lorena Bernal
This article was used in CEOWORLD Magazine.
