As the new school year approaches, it’s completely natural for both parents and children to feel a mix of excitement and nerves. Whether your little one is starting school for the first time, moving up to secondary school, or entering those crucial exam years, these transitions can bring up a lot of questions and concerns.
As parents, our role is to guide and support our children through these changes, helping them to feel confident, understood, and ready for what lies ahead. Below, I’ve addressed some common questions that children may have as they prepare for the school year, along with thoughtful ways we can respond to help them navigate these challenges with a sense of security and assurance.
For Kids First Starting School:
I don’t want to go to school, why do I have to?
“Oh, sweetheart, I don’t want you to go either! If I could, I’d keep you with me forever because I love having you close. But you’ve grown so much, and going to school is something you need to do to keep growing and learning. We both have to accept it, even if it’s hard, and we’ll make the best of it together.”
What if I don’t make any friends?
“You are such a wonderful person, and I know you’ll make friends because others will see how amazing you are, just like you’ll get to know some amazing kids too. It might not happen right away, and that’s okay. Your teachers will take care of you, and I’ll be right here waiting to hug and kiss you a thousand times when you come home. I’m also going to try to make friends with the other new mums, so we can all have playdates together soon!”
What if someone is mean to me?
“You know, most kids are really nice, but sometimes someone might be mean because they’re feeling angry, sad, or scared. It’s important to remember that it’s not because of you, but because of something they’re going through. If that happens, make sure to tell the grown-ups at school, and they’ll help both of you. And remember, always be kind to everyone, even if you don’t know them yet. I can’t wait to hear all your stories when you come home each day!”
For Parents:
When answering our little ones’ worries, it’s essential to validate their feelings. Avoid saying things like, “Don’t be silly” or “Don’t feel that way.” It’s crucial for them to know that we, as parents, share these feelings too—because we do. We have the same fears, and pretending we don’t isn’t helpful. Instead, we need to show them how to deal with their worries and how to embrace them. It’s also important for them to know that we love them, that no matter what, we will always be there for them. We’re a team—us and our child—not the school and us. We are in this together, facing this new challenge side by side. Right now, making them feel safe, heard, and understood is one of the keys to their emotional stability.
For Those Moving to Secondary School:
My friends are going to a different school / are going to be in a different class, what will I do?
“I know, it’s tough to think about making new friends, but if you did it once, you can definitely do it again. It’s normal to feel worried when facing something new, but you’ll find your way and make great friends just like before. Don’t rush it, and don’t change who you are to be liked—just be yourself. Most of the other kids will be in the same situation, and you’ll help each other through it.”
Are my lessons going to be a lot harder?
“Not a lot, but yes, they will be a bit harder. The good news is that you’re ready for this next step. You’ve grown, you’ve learned, and you’re prepared for what’s ahead. And if you find it too hard, don’t worry—we’ll find a way to help you keep up.”
I’m scared of being around much older children, will they be mean to me?
“You’re ready for this, but I understand it can feel a little overwhelming. Remember, soon enough, you’ll be one of the older kids too. Older kids won’t necessarily be mean, but if they are, it’s often because that’s how they try to have fun, not because of anything you’ve done. If it happens, try to walk away and tell an adult, or tell me when you get home, and we’ll figure out how to handle it together.”
I’m used to having one teacher and now I’ll have a lot, what if I don’t like one of them?
“It would actually be surprising if you liked all your teachers—I didn’t like my math teacher or my history teacher! But that’s okay. We just need to accept it and do our best. Who knows, you might end up liking them over time, or at least you’ll do well in their classes and enjoy the teachers you do like.”
I’m taking packed lunch / on free school meals, will I feel left out?
“There will always be situations in life where you might feel left out, and that’s okay. What matters is staying true to yourself. You don’t need to change who you are or go against your values to fit in. The right people will come into your life when you’re being yourself. If there’s something you want to change or try, just let me know, and we’ll explore it together so you can make choices that feel right for you.”
For Parents:
Once again, it’s crucial to validate their fears and feelings, letting them know that we’ve been there too and that we understand what they’re going through. Encourage them to stay true to themselves, even if it feels challenging, and not to follow the crowd if it doesn’t feel right. They need to feel safe and loved at home so that they have the courage to be themselves and take the risk of feeling left out. Don’t shy away from acknowledging that school can be tough and that they may face unpleasant situations, but make sure they know they are capable of handling it, and that we’re here to help if they need us.
For Those Starting Exam Years:
What if I don’t pass my exams?
“Try not to worry about that right now. Just do your best, work hard, and you’ll achieve the results you need. The most important thing is that you give it your all so that you have no regrets at the end—nothing you wish you had done differently. Whatever results you get will be the right ones for you, for your path, and for your future success. Focus on what’s within your control, and let go of the things you can’t control.”
I want to see my friends, but I’ll have so much homework. I don’t want to miss out.
“Your friends will be in a similar situation, so you’re not alone in this. As we grow older, we have to face responsibilities that sometimes keep us from seeing our family or friends as much as we’d like. The key is to make the most of the time you do spend with your friends. Don’t worry about feeling left out—true friends will always be there, even if you can’t see them all the time. You’ll catch up on what you missed, or they’ll share it with you through photos and stories. Let’s organise your time as best as we can so that you have time for everything you want and need to do. Even if it’s not as much time as you’d like, you’ll be able to enjoy those moments fully because you’ll have set aside time just for that.”
For Parents:
Our kids at this age are maturing and beginning to understand that responsibilities sometimes mean sacrificing the things we most enjoy. Helping them stay organised and present in each situation will allow them to better enjoy the journey. Try to ease any anxieties about the future by encouraging them to do their best and trust their own path. There isn’t just one answer to success, and the more they stay connected with who they are, the more they will embrace their unique path and pace.
By Lorena Bernal
Article used for Netmums magazine UK and Head Topics magazine UK
